You Are Such a Druggie

You Little Devil
You Little Devil
Originally uploaded by toastfloats.
I suspect the following dialogue between myself and the attendant at the local Liddil's will only make sense to a Kiwi.

* * *

Toast: Is this a drug store?

Man (indignant): No. Absolutely not. It's a chemist.

Toast (looking around at the makeup,vitamins, over the counter pharmaceuticals, not to mention the busy professionals bottling pills behind the counter): Hunh. Okay. Chemist. Right. A new word. Got any hydrogen peroxide?

Man (even more indignant): No. It's illegal.

Toast (startled): Really? You're kidding. Why?

Man: It is a key component in making drugs.

Toast: Wow. I didn't know that. We use it for road rash.

Man: Road rash? Is that a drug?

Toast (laughs): Uh no. You know... a scrape, like rubbing your knee on a road.

Man (looking a bit relieved): Ah.... no. No … road... rash... We do have plasters.

Toast: Huh? For walls?

Man: No. For wounds.

Toast: Plasters. Okay. So no hydrogen peroxide. How about sudafed?

Man: Sue duh fed? What's that?

Toast: Pseudoephedrine.

Man (immediately returning to state of offense and suspicion): Do you make pee?

Toast: Of course I make pee. All the plumbing works fine. What does that have to do with it?

Man (moving to push some magic button behind the counter): No pee. PEE! The drug?

Toast: People take pee? What?! What on earth does this have to do with my cold?

Man: A cold?

Toast: Well... yes. Why else would I need pseudoephedrine?

Man (now equally confused): To make pee?

Toast: It's a diuretic? I didn't know that! No, I just need to clear up my sinuses. I've got a cold. Need a decongestant. I usually take either pseudoephedrine or guaifenesin.

Toast Explaining the FSM
Toast Explaining the FSM
Originally uploaded by toastfloats.
Man (enlightened and reaching behind the counter for a package): Oooohh! Of course! We have that in combination. Here you go.

Toast (reads the package and gasps): Fenfen! Holy cow! This stuff is illegal!

Man (baffled): Why?

Toast: Teenage girls OD on this stuff, pop it like candy as a diet drug. Hot damn! How much will you sell me? Fantastic for colds.

Man (reluctantly): Well... it's available over the counter, but we have to be sure you aren't using it to make pee...

Preparing for Disaster

Burning Guy

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